Monday, September 10, 2007

Near Miss

Compared to the tight schedule I was working under these past couple of weeks, today I was positively free. But this free time felt strangely alien and I was restless, flitting from one mundane, un-necessary task to another and making un-necessary calls to be told that I needn't have bothered calling. I finally managed to get a grip of myself and settled down. By this time half the day was over but I still had another half left to sit through. For once I was hoping I would be called in for some meeting or some such thing!! I was that desperate.

They say that an idle mind is the devil's workshop. They, whoever 'they' are, are right. Because during that time, of sitting at my desk with nothing to do, I started thinking about me, my life, what I had wanted to be and some more heavy, serious thoughts in the same vein. Thankfully that phase lasted only for about 5 minutes by which time all the bells, which were supposed to go off when my system malfunctions, were well into their third minute of ringing like crazy and I barely had time to stop thinking those harmful thoughts. I could already see wisps of dark smoke drifting out of my ears. I guess I stopped moments before I suffered a massive system breakdown. If that had happened, I would have had only myself to blame because I knew very well the consequences of entertaining such thoughts.

I had been there once and it wasn't pretty. I still remember it like it was yesterday. The moment I had reached the point of no return, I was a sight to behold. In horror! Thick black smoke pouring out of my ears, eyes dilated, nostrils flared and tongue hanging out, I wasn't looking anywhere close to the handsome guy I was before the thoughts had started. As if that was not bad enough, I grew up. I was suddenly thinking about horrid stuff like my future, my savings and investments, my responsibilities and God knows what else. The cruelest cut was the fact that I could actually compare it with how I was when I was normal and realized what I had lost. And knew I wouldn't ever get it back!

That was then. They, the same 'they' as above I guess, also say that hind sight is always 20-20. So it turns out to be. Looking back at that time now, I realize that that first time may have irrevocably damaged a part of my system but it also activated some dormant parts which have so far proved to be very useful. These activated parts don't do much individually but together they safe guard my system a lot better than before. So much so that I am positive that I will never ever suffer another breakdown. Though it looked like I had come close to it this afternoon, I believe that if I hadn't acted when I did, my anti-growth mechanism would have kicked the crap out of those serious thoughts and thrown them out anyway.

Eventful day it turned out to be, what with me coming so close to growing up once more. Phew! I would rather prefer to run with a 25 hour schedule for a 24-hour day, any day.


N said...

grow up, V!!!

me said...

Hmmm. After reading a post full of reasons why I am resisting it, this is what you had to tell me!!

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