21-Dec-2012

Reporting live from somewhere in the south of the north pole and north of the equator from the eastern part of the world map. This is breaking news, though we are not sure what it is breaking.

We don't have to worry about the world ending today since it is already tomorrow in Australia!! This is coming in live from our correspondent Charles M Schulz. Early, unsubstantiated reports are also coming in that New Zealand might actually be further ahead into tomorrow than Australia is. On the ground in Australia, our field reporter Peanuts is reporting that Australia's tomorrow looks much too similar to the rest-of-the-world's today. Australia has strongly urged its brethren in the international community to learn from it's mistakes and work harder in the remainder of their 'today' to make sure that atleast they can enjoy a more spectacular and easily discernible end to the world. Australia is not able to pin-point what has to be learnt and improved upon though. We will be keeping track of the developments Down Under and will bring them to you as they might or might not develop. 

However, these initial reports have thrown a big-sized monkey wrench into the plans of various networks which were primed to bring the 'end-of-the-world' action live to our living rooms as it happened. The media - parked in their mobile units and packed in with their changing vans, make-up kits, boom mikes and cameras of all sizes - is currently cooling its collective heals on the beaches of Australia and doing its bit to improve the shore-side economy. With an eye on grabbing the mind-share, eye-balls, ear-space, head-space - and any other thing they can grab - of the global audience, many of these networks have plans for airing exclusive and in-depth 5 minute interviews with the harbingers of the end. The names of Jesus, God, Satan and Kalki are doing the not-on-the-record rounds but the general feeling is that they are ready to grab whoever makes an appearance. We are currently receiving reactions to these plans by the leaders of the major religions of the world from their private bunkers. They have criticized the networks of pandering to the global audience in these dire times and have accused the networks of being secular and not believing in their true God.

Our resident doomsday expert Maya feels that this overwhelming presence of recording, mixing, transmitting and manipulating equipment might have scared away the Gods of Doom which is why Australia is experiencing a 'To be continued' instead of 'The End'. There is however no doubt that our interpretation of and hype around the message from the ancient calendar is correct. In our studios we have an expert panel of eminent public personalities picked from the field of Commercial Cinema, Business, Politics, Reality TV, Sports and other prime time TV regulars on stand by to explain why the world has not ended, if it doesn't end.

Elsewhere, life continues as usual. More on this, after the break.